back.

hello.
sorry it took so long to write again here...
just wake up from my dreams..one year of wonderful, sad, happy memories. last year probably will not be able to be repeated anymore..all those fun, those first time experiences,,,will miss that moment.

have to face the reality again now: the traffic, the mess, the fear, the work, the real life.
can i just stay there for more longer? can't i just stop the time and not moving forward ? ...
i wish the time could stop exactly before my b'day came...apparently this year was the most bittersweet bday i've ever had...
ever since that day, my life has changed.
the pain was too painful.

well..life must go on, and that's what i'm trying to do now. i just hope the good things, better than this year's achievement will come for me.
i really blessed by Allah SWT. thats all i can tell. when i asked, my Allah is listening...that i realised.
what happen to me and him was also involved God's interference and also because of my prayers...God really IS answer my prayers...though it's not answered as i wanted to..

i know God will never give any burden that cannot be bear by us human..i know that God believe that i will survive with all those things that came simultaneously to me..i know that God know that i will be strong enough to face this..and i thank You for that, o my dear Allah.

back on this phase again...days without worthy works, i believe soon changes will come. i dunno when, but i know it will come. i just need to keep this spirit up. need to fill out my mind, need to find opportunities, everything i can get.

for my friends, lots of things has changed during my one year absent here. the marriage, the birth, the loss,,,
for you all, i congratulate the good changes and i mourn for the bad things that had happened.

here, i'm trying to make a better me. i'm trying to be honest with myself.

in the last month of my stay there in the dream, i cried a lot. people always think that i was very happy. well i'm not. believe me.
i felt very lonely, even though i was in the crowd. that's what happen when you hide the tears just for yourself. the fact that actually i'm a spoiled brat makes it worse. i know i'm good, but hey, nobody's perfect right ? i ain't perfect either. that's for sure.

ah...love sucks. i don't know whether i wanna feel it again or not...it hurts so bad when you couldn't get what you expected..the worst of the worst !

among my friends, for the love life i probably the one who really left behind... i think i need a savior here..
like smallvile shout:
somebody saaaveeeee meeeeee !!!!
haha (a bitter laugh that is.)

may my future days will be much more brighter, more happier than those days in my dreams...(Bismillah..)